Living Life In Reaction To the Needs of Others Corrodes Your Spirit
Everything can change in a moment. An intent-full moment can change everything. The choice to love is always a choice. When I finally got tired of suffering, I chose love. But, everything before that was a life full of daily suicide. Living your life in reaction to the needs of others corrodes your spirit. It breaks you down from the outside in, carelessly throwing away precious aspects of your being. Your soul adapts to this indiscriminate clear-cutting by entering deep sleep. Only the essentials make it. The bright eyes and shiny skin that spill over from vibrant health, darken and fade. Laughter diminishes, tears stop flowing, and yet, the dormant spirit is one of the most powerful forces on Earth.
Things, people, life, can go dormant at any stage of life, even, and most, unfortunately, very early on. Although, as I have learned from my orchard, the older established tree stands a better chance. There is much debate as to whether or not we come into this world with a soul. If it is so, I’m not sure any of us can survive the implications. We do know that when someone or something has to fight to survive that they learn to grow in different ways than others. Although it seems like now, at this particular moment of existence, we are all impacted by some trace element, half-life chemical, or broken down industrial machine. We now all have this in common, this fact that none of us are unscathed. Disassociative, perhaps, unaware of the root inhibition, which was often quickly armored to survive, but impacted nevertheless. The trauma hangover, at this point on Earth, is pervasive. We are shouldered with the ultimate debt, the highest unpaid balance passed down via the family ledger. What is hardest to settle, what cannot be determined at a simple shoot out, draw or game of cards is the murk. The murk is the memory landfill, where we have all gone to dump willingly, maybe because we don’t know better, most likely because we are afraid.